Farewell ..

The truth about life seems fairly obscure.

I once went into a lapse of depression which had me wondering if we are all supposed to die how do we find motivation to work for something that is confined to only of worldly importance? Those who go around oblivious to the stark realities of life tend of enjoy it the most; whereas the ones who dare to think about the bigger picture bare the brunt of the truth.

Our life is not in our hands. We do not know, when we might part from this form of existence or what is waiting for us in the after-life. Those who leave us never look back. We never hear from them again.

The first time I ever saw a lifeless body was that of my playmates father who died of a sudden heart-attack while sitting on a rocking chair and reading newspaper. On the mourning day, I saw people sitting around the body crying while the man looked very much as though in a peaceful sleep and it didn't disturb me. I was a teenager ( not so small ) but never questioned life and its fragile existence.

The gravity of the situation hit me with the crash of AirBlue Flight 202 last year. So many people I knew, so many, were on that plane. That was the day I will never forget. From the moment of learning about the crash to discovering about a friend, a colleague, a distant relative, stretch to the length of discovering the sweet next-door Aunty ( mother of 3 small boys ) all dead. Visions of the last conversations I had with each of them would not go away. I felt as though being followed, scared of my own shadow. Thinking how am I still alive? How does Allah mia choose? Getting paranoid that I could also die any minute and not know it, just like they did not know it. That was the turning point in my life, since then I am aware of the temporary existence we are granted by Allah mia.

This year I have lost 3 grandparents one each month starting February.Yesterday, I lost my grandfather. He was an amazing man, to say the least. I can still hear the sound of his laughter, how he, while sitting with both legs crossed-legged up on a sofa in front of the telly, would take off this hat as a relfex rub his head with the other palm and wear the hat again while listening to the news. How he would say, "aur beta joove kaise ho app?" always with a smile, always. He was the only guy I knew who could solve the entire crossed word in one sitting and that too without cheating.

Dada Jaan ( my grandfather ) lost the love of his life 2 months before he parted with us too. My grandparents were married while they were in their teens and died in their eighties. How could have one survived without the other? Thats what he said during the duration he was alive.

Dada Jaan, the last time I talked to you I promised to teach you how to use facebook so that you could look at the pictures of your grandkids and great grandkids ( who live far away ) growing up. I promised to join you in your evening walks. I am sorry I didn't get a chance to give you more time. May Allah mai bless you with the best place in heaven. Ameen.

I will never meet him again. I will never hear his loud pitch laughter or see his humor filled eyes. The walking stick. The special sofa in front of the telly. Look for him standing in the gallery taking care of his cherished plants whenever we passed from the main road. The only thing I have left of him are the countless memories. I already miss you a lot. I miss being your granddaughter, a kid.

Please recite "Surah e Fateha" once for him.

Life is too short. Do what you feel like doing. We are all born the same way and die the same death, so no one is superior and only age makes us so. We are lucky to be blessed with life. Live it well, for yourself and for others.